I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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