Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
