Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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