this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize