i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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