Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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