just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
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