he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You need a sexual gate keeper
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
