Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
