im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
