did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize