We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
