Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just threw up on my dentist
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
