At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I need moral support for this bender
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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