I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
