since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
