The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
