She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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