I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
