I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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