You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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