I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize