Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
