god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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