He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
