he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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