it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize