I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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