"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
