go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
