I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
