I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
