so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
