im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
