You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you had me at cake vodka
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
