Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
