Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize