If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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