How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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