I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
