Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
