Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Can you repeat that, but with context?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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