I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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