my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
