Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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