big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
