Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
