her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
