my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
