3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
