You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
