Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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