Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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