I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
