This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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