Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
