I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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