Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
