My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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