You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
