3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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