woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
