Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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