i would punch a child for taco bell
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
