you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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