My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Randomize
