My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
