fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
