My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if only i could text you this smell
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
