Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
