i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize