Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
My feet surprised me
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