JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
