i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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