So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
