I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
