i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
