return my video game
I heard we made out
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You can't just leave with hair like that
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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