first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
