They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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