I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
