No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
