whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
