I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
