You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well you can't waste a boner
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
