If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
