My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
