Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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