What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish my penis had an off switch
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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