Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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