No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
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