I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
