Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
