dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
What a dumb baby whore.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
