My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
